Orlando

7 days ago, our country experienced a massacre of unprecedented degree. 50 people lost their lives, 53 more people were injured beyond just the physicality's that result from wounds of such magnitude. I myself have experienced the pain resulting from loosing a loved one to bullet wounds. The psychological devastation alone is almost unbearable. There is no telling how detrimental these lasting results will be for the individuals who were personally effected. The devastation doesn't end with the yellow tape that lines the walls of Pulse night club: there are mothers who are left to grieve for their children, friends whose only peace comes from saved text messages and memories, co-workers who are left lonely because a colleague's desk is now empty. The sinister aftermath continues to ricochet throughout the city of Orlando, the media and ultimately, our entire country and to be honest, I am left with so many conflicting feelings. Not towards the victims and their families, because, as any healthy human response should be, I am in horror, shock and grief over the loss of life and the hate that fired off into the night without any regard for those dear people. But what confuses me- more so what enrages me, are the disgusting slurs, statuses, comments and articles projecting from the mouths of people who claim that they are representations of Christ.

In our Bible study last week, one of our Pearls emotionally expressed her aggravation towards the

attitudes of "Christians" who used this tragedy as their soap box to belittle, devalue and disrespect the lives that were lost that night. She expressed how frustrated she was to see how ungracious, unkind and how cruel people (yes, even church people) can be. Listening to her and the other girls' reactions to some of the obscene and ruthless comments floating around the media is the true tragedy here, because, based on scripture, those who celebrate the destruction of others are misguided in their efforts of representing who God truly is.

According to 1 John 4:20-21, "Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister".
Various translations of this scripture use the term "neighbor" instead of brother and sister and I find this very interesting. It lead me to a conversation that Jesus had with a religious man in Luke chapter 10. This man, with all of his esteem and intellect, wanted to know the way to eternal life. Because of his pride, we wanted to test Jesus. His question was in front of a large crowd and his words were coated in arrogance. So Jesus simply asked him, "What is the greatest commandment?"

To this, the man answered, "to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself". And just who is our neighbor?

Jesus goes on to tell a story of a man who was robbed and beaten. 2 religious people pass him by, avoiding the man because he did not look clean. They could've helped him, but instead, they dismissed his plight. They overlooked his condition and his tragedy, because they were full of pride and misguided in their own evaluation of themselves. Finally, a kind man passed the hurting person and did all that was in his power to help him. He gave the man his own clothes, paid for medical attention and a place for the man to stay and eat.

"Who was the neighbor to the beaten man", Jesus asked the religious man.

The religious man regretfully admitted, "The one who showed him Mercy"

In response to this answer, Jesus says, "go and do likewise".

I am touched by this story because, if we are to truly be who God has called us to be in this world, we have to be loving and love requires mercy. It doesn't matter if we agree or disagree with someone's life choices. Being a Christian is more than words and songs on Sunday; it's a lifestyle rooted in the one ideology that the term "Christian" upholds... being like Christ! It is our calling to be Jesus in the world (1 John 4:17)- to love as he loves us, to help those who are seeking hope and to have mercy when people, whom God loves, are being mistreated and abused. How in the world can we name the name of Christ, but then celebrate when tragedy falls on people who have been made in the image of the God we claim to love?

The derogatory slurs, comments and hateful Facebook statuses that I have encountered in passing, have been offensive and appalling, especially those made by people who have manipulated God's truth to support their own hateful agendas. One preacher in Sacramento, California, went so far as to say that he wished "they" would all have their brains blown up! How grotesque! ... and in the name of God? Who are any of us to misrepresent our Savior in such a way?  Wasn't it God who tells us that His heart breaks whenever anyone suffers? He doesn't want anyone to perish but for all people to know His love and be reunited in relationship with Him (2 Peter 3:9). How then, as scripture states it, can we claim to love God whom we haven't seen, yet hate our neighbor who we clearly see? We have not been called to speak love in one breath and hate with another breath. This is hypocrisy! Remember, "If we speak in tongues of angels, but don't love, we are nothing" (1 Corinthians 13: 1).

Love does not mean that we have to abandon scripture or deny what we believe in, but what love does mean is that we respect and value all human life and celebrate all people because everyone is valuable in the eyes of God! To love is not limited to only people who are like you. In Christ, we have been called to love without limitation and to love our neighbors as ourself (Mark 12: 31). These are God's commands to His church! Time and time again, Jesus emphasized this truth to his disciples and His disciples continued to proclaim these scriptures throughout all the churches of the 1st Century and into this moment. Those were not suggestions! It was not specific only to that time and place, but for all generations who chose to follow in the name of Christ. "Love one another, as I have loved you!" (John 13: 34). To claim that we love God, much less know God personally, but then reject His commandments to love others and to show good to others is only a refection of the lack of understanding and godly wisdom one possess in their heart (1 John 2:3).

I don't want to come across ranting and raving, but please, lets' do better and lets truly strive to love like Jesus! We can disagree on important matters and still maintain kindness, gentleness and respect for others (1 Peter 3: 13-16)!  I hope this is an important reminder to all of us who proclaim Christianity: to treat others out of malice and hate is not love.  And if it's not love, it isn't Christ and if it isn't Christ, then your actions are not of God! Instead of anger and hateful words, our response should be to seek ways in which we can offer hope to those who are hurting, pray for others, be compassionate and ultimately, simply show love and kindness.
"They will know you are Christians by your love" (John 13: 35). So will the REAL Christians please stand up? Where is our love? Where is our grace and our compassion? Even God, Himself, is slow to anger! He is patient and long-suffering with all of us, who by nature are all imperfect. Wasn't it God who wanted to spare Ninevah? Didn't He tell the prophet Jonah that He loved the people, in spite of their choices? Wasn't it God who said the same thing about you and me? How then, can we accept His love for us, but then deny sharing that same love with others? We are no better than anyone. In fact, we are every man- all in need of kindness, mercy and love from the Lord.

I want to end this article with a quote made by Kelly Osbourne... It's a shame that this wasn't proclaimed from the pulpits and Facebook statuses from so called "Christians". It's something to think about...

"The tragedy in Orlando devastated me and reminded me that every moment of our lives is precious. Every human is precious. Love hard. Live gracefully, authentically and with conviction, respect, purpose and compassion."- Kelly Osbourne

Love others and be compassionate. Live gracefully. Be Jesus.

~Pearls

Preparing for "Mr. Right"...

So... you're praying for a man. You're praying for a handsome man; a man with physique and eyes that light up the night. You're praying for a man with education and strong financial status, who goes to church and loves his family. You're praying for a man that has the potential to be more than just a dinner date on one random Friday night. You are praying... but are you preparing?

In this Facebook generation we live in, I've noticed some concerning trends from women of the "Christian" community regarding their expectations (or demands) on dating and relationships. Sometimes, the waters seem murky between "Christian" dating and secular dating. Christian women fall prey to pre-martial sex, just as much as unbelievers do. Standards begin to fall, while demands increase and expectations are unrealistic, yet blessings are still assumed to fall in line. What is going on within our hearts and minds? How do we navigate the waters of dating without completely drowning ourselves in the waves of pop culture and the world's false advertisements?

First and foremost, it's imperative that we, as Christian women, recognize that our lives should be lived out differently than the world. This includes our dating lives (Romans 12:2). Everything we do should be different: the way we love, the way we date, the way we approach various situations. We cannot pattern our relationships after Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, then pray for blessings from a Holy God. We shouldn't  be quoting Cosmopolitan magazine articles in our Facebook status regarding the "5 Steps to Keep a Man Interested", because odds are, they defy what scripture says. These sources should have no prevalence in our lives, because they are not based on true love or God's expectations concerning how to love. We must remember that love is deeper than pretty faces and cute skirts on a Saturday night. I'm not saying that the secular world can't give solid advice, but we have to be sure that we are conducting ourselves in the likeness of Christ and not in the likeness of society, whose rules (or lack there of) do not reflect the holiness that God encourages us to live by. Our men must see Jesus in us. That is true beauty and will prove to be our strongest asset in terms of a lasting relationship in dating and in marriage.

Next, we cannot continue to demand from a man what we are not demanding from ourselves. Do you want a man with money... well, how are YOUR finances? You want a man who will bend over backwards for you and take care of you and treat you like the queen you are... so are you willing to give as much and pour as much into him? You want a man who will wine and dine you, but are you capable of feeding his spirit and his soul?
1 Corinthians 10:24 states, "Let no one seek their own good, but the good of their neighbor". This is extremely counter cultural. In our society, we are told to "take care of me, first".  It is suggested in film, books and music to give only after we receive and to do only after we have been satisfied with the other person's actions. Janet Jackson's song, "What have you done for me lately", is the mindset that we continue to incorporate in our dating and relationship experiences, but this goes against scripture. Finding a Godly man requires having a Godly character. Everyone wants a Boaz, but no one is willing to be Ruth. This, my friends, is backwards living. If we want to be blessed with a man who will love us like Christ loves the church,  we must be willing to be Jesus to him as well- putting our needs and wants aside in order to pour into him and be pleasing to the Lord in the area of our relationships. In this way, no one is lacking. We should be seeking how to please the other person first. We must be willing to use our gifts and talents to pour into his life and encourage his growth in Christ, but instead, I notice many women who are so consumed with their own personal interests that they drain the men that they prayed for. Ladies...It's not all about us! Our purpose is not to get, but to give. To go about it any other way is only self-seeking and love does not abide in selfishness.

Another concern I have is the unrealistic notion that, because we are living "right" we deserve a man who will be perfectly packaged and intuitive to our desires. We want a man to take us for our flaws and all... but when He is vulnerable with his struggles or opened to share his past mistakes, is he given the side eye and labeled "too complicated"? As Christians, it's important that we realize that no matter how much we pray, hope and dream for "Mr. Right", there will always be imperfections in his heart; just like there are imperfections in ours. He is God's work in progress, too, just like you. Galatians 6:2 tells us that we are to carry each other's burdens, meaning, we aren't to abandon someone just because they sin differently than we do or because they have struggles in their lives. We need to be able to operate in the Love of Christ, recognizing that what Christ has done for us, we must then do for each other. Remember, at the end of the day, that man is not just a boyfriend, fiancé or husband... he is our brother in Christ and we must treat him accordingly!

Lastly, I am concerned about the exposure we are opening ourselves to that warp our expectations of how relationships are suppose to be. We need to stop putting so much emphasis on feelings and fairy tales. The rose colored glasses are only cute in selfies... not in real life. To think that dating a Christian man means no problems and no tears is immature at best...stupid at worst. Whenever two flawed people join together, there will be problems; that's a guarantee. There will be mistakes, broken promises, misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Oh, but there will be joys as well! There will be confidence and encouragement, strong identity and guilt-free experiences; but we must be willing to take the risk and the leap of faith. Relationships are not about finding your personal happiness and comfort zone; they are about revealing God's holiness within one another and working together to form a life of unity that reflects Christ. Pain proceeds joy and joy proceeds pain. You cannot have one without the other, so if you are looking and praying for a relationship that excludes hard times, then my advice to you is to buy the world's coziest pillow and snuggle up alone, because that's more realistic. Just as Jesus was willing to endure hurt for our sakes, we must be willing to endure hurt for each other's sake, "knowing that we are full of joy even when we suffer (go through difficult times). We know that our suffering gives us the strength to go on and persevere. This perseverance produces character. Character produces hope. And hope will never bring us shame. That’s because God’s love has been poured into our hearts" (Romans 5:3-5).

The love God has poured into our hearts is not for us to horde for ourselves, but to share willingly. In this day and age, people give up so easily. One mistake and we're on to the the next guy. One disappointment and we have cut off a fellow believer. One misunderstanding and we have rejected the opportunity for growth, encouragement and support for someone else. Ladies, this will not do! Where is our love, our grace and our compassion? Where is the selflessness that we are called to exercise?

Katrina and Husband, Jarrett

In my two years of marriage, I have grown so much as a Christian, not because we've done it all right and never had any problems, but because we established a foundation during our dating that we would never quit on each other. I for one have come to realize the beauty of serving and what it means to put someone  before myself. I mess up often, but when I focus on how to lift my husband and when I fall to my knees in prayer over his life, the Lord begins to do some amazing things! Marriage, my friends, is not about a man rescuing us. It's not about Him providing for our securities or about us being adored 24/7... really, it's all about Jesus. When he is wrong, I love him through it. When I am wrong, he prays for me and encourages me to seek Jesus. It's not an error-proof life, but it is so worth every sacrifice and element of discomfort. The Joys truly outshine the pains and knowing what I know now, I wouldn't want it any other way. In our dating we were preparing through our individual pursuit of Jesus. Jarrett and I dated for 3 years and struggled in our boundaries, but God blessed us to keep our bodies pure until marriage because we were more concerned about each other's relationship with God than we were for our own physical desires. We argued about family differences, but God is now creating a special family between the two of us that we can develop together. We hurt each other by revealing some very sensitive mistakes from our past, but God has used those disappointments to grow our trust for one another and in Him. We've raised voices in anger and even slammed doors out of frustration, but God has opened the gates of our hearts to experience and create a genuine love for each other and reflect Christ's unfailing love in this ministry of marriage.

Ladies, I want to encourage each of you who are in your place of waiting and praying for your spouse... do it God's way! Don't cut any corners or compromise what you know is right. Don't compare yourself to friends that date recreationally and have 3 and 4 boyfriends on the side. That's not love. That's not Christ! His vision for you far proceeds beyond the temporary flattery this world has to offer. Jesus has a specific and purpose filled plan especially for  you. When you date and love God's way: putting the Lord first, seeking how you can serve, loving through the pains and building your relationship on scripture, then you experience a freedom that goes beyond the comforts of simply just having a man. It becomes a lifestyle and a true blessing... with no hindrances, guilt or regret. The process will never be perfect, but we must begin to prepare our hearts now so that when he comes, we will be ready and equipped! God has a  man already in mind and in preparation for you, but you will miss out on him if you try to do things outside of Christ's will. So don't give up on doing what is right (Galations 6:9)! A reward waits for those who wait on the Lord. Trust me. I know this all too well. In your singleness, it can get lonely, frustrating and tiresome; but the results of your waiting will be worth it all! I challenge you to pattern your love life after the love that Christ has established in you. Your future man will see it, and he will praise God for your light and faith!

Be patient in your preparations, my loves... "Mr. Right" is not so far away.

~Pearls

As White as Snow

There is a precisely calming awe connected to snow. What is it about the frigid white blanket of solid precipitation that always seems to melt away the impatience, the moodiness and the restlessness of the world, if even for just a moment?

On Facebook, a friend posted, "Was I the only one who looked out of my window to check and see if it snowed this morning?". The response resulted in 244 likes and 52 comments. So, clearly, others around the country reacted in the same way. I know I did. To peel back even one blind and glance at a white covered world brings such amazement and serenity within that very moment. It makes me wonder: If natural snow, that will melt away, can give such affirmative peace, how much more than should I allow my life to rest in the eternal peace of my Salvation, which scripture tells us will make our hearts as white as snow?

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow..." ~Isaiah 1:18

God desires to give us peace, not just for the moment, but for eternity. His peace is what guards our life from the troubles that come with this world and sustains us through the uncharted waters and the ups and the downs of life. Sin, that which separates us from God, no longer has to be a fear in our hearts. When we align ourselves with God and His word and when we agree to allow Jesus to be Lord over us, then our sins are washed away and our Salvation brings about a clean heart before a Holy God. No need to fear His holiness, if we are partakers in it! It is a free gift with an everlasting promise: If we turn from our own ways and accept Jesus as our Savior, there is freedom from fear, peace for the unknown and a heart made clean like snow.

As we continue to experience the winter weather of the days to come, remember that all the beauty we see out of our windows will soon melt away. The white ice will turn black from the dust and the mud. Children will ruin the crystal landscapes with their sleds and snowball fights. The city will begin to shovel and salt the mystery away, but for those of us who are rooted in Jesus, His purity, which makes our hearts snow white, will never fade. It is eternally beautiful. Our peace and security in Him and in His love will outlast any season we may experience in this life. Through Jesus, our souls are made holy and pure and nothing can take that away!

~Pearls