Sparkle for the Savior!

During my first 13 months of marriage, I was purposely unemployed... And I loved it! I exercised and took strolls in the park, took a few classes, kept the house impeccably clean, took day trips to see family and friends. I read books,  ran errands, went shopping and did my hair. I volunteered, I prepared for Bible Study, I had time to spend in devotions and in my Bible, having quiet times with Jesus. Life was easy. It was good.

Four months ago, I was hired with my first job, and boy did my quiet little House Wife life change! For the first time in my life, I experienced true stress. The demands and expectations of a full time job are no joke- let me tell you! I was tired and stretched during the day, only to have to bring more work home, steal 20 minuets to do laundry, vacuum, make dinner and do it all over again the next day. And let's talk about dinner... Before, I would spend 2 hours in the kitchen: chopping up veggies, making sauces, preparing desserts- now I'm mixing up leftovers and making up names for it! So much has changed and I was really beating myself up over it. I felt like I wasn't being as good a wife as I had been before the job. I felt like I wasn't as attentive to my husband. I felt I wasn't being as effective in my Bible Study or in Pearls of Hope, either, and I began to suffer from fear of not being good enough.

This morning, on the last day of 2014, I woke up with that same fear- that I'm not good enough. There have been some decisions that needed to be made within Pearls- important things, and quite frankly, I've struggled with self doubt- "Can I really do another study? Will it continue to be as good as the last one, or as good as the first one? Are all the girls still excited? Will everyone come back?" We've all accepted different rolls in making Pearls a strong and beautiful unit, but there are always those realities that no one can control, no matter how hard you try. I struggle with change and I struggle with being responsible because I don't like to mess up- I hate making mistakes.
See, I've always lived my life too selfishly to ever have responsibilities, and honestly, that's how I like it because there's no risk in messing up. I liked the attachment-free/stress-free liberties that I created for myself in my early twenties. I liked getting up in the mornings....errr, afternoons, without a plan for the day. There was no fear because there were no responsibilities or risk of failure. But God has been moving that mindset out of my life and He is teaching me how to live for Himself and for others, through my marriage and through Pearls of Hope. No, the kitchen might not be spotless everyday, the gas tank might not always be full. I might need to stop what I'm doing to take a phone call from one of the girls or I might have to rub my husbands back instead of doing my hair. Giving up of yourself can be a difficult notion, if you struggle with the sin of selfishness as I do. But you know, im realizing how much happier and fulfilled I am when my life isn't all about me.

The thought of failing frightens me. The idea that my efforts will collapse stresses me out! But even in the fog of fear, I know who is with me! In all that God has lead me to become and participate in, I am thankful, because He is burning selfishness out of me. I love being apart of Pearls of Hope! I am afraid to fail them and I'm afraid to loose what we have created together, but I am eager to grow with them and discover Jesus with them! I love seeing their lives change for Jesus and I love knowing that we trust each other and hold eachother accountable. I love seeing new girls join us and I love learning from them and being inspired by them! I love the questions and the conversations, because it reveals their hunger for the Lord! Even more so, I love being a wife! I love knowing that my existence is a treasure to my husband. I love the fact that we belong to eachother and that our love is pure and sealed by God! I am afraid to disappoint my husband or hurt his feelings in some way, but I am excited to be his partner in life and the mother of his children- one day, and I look forward to creating a legacy with him. I'm learning to love working, as well. It gives me a sense of accomplishment, inspite of my on going fears that I am not really smart enough to be doing this.

No matter where we find ourselves in life, there will always be fear. Fear that we're not good enough, smart enough or brave enough; fear that we can't do it or won't be successful. But in my heart, based on the word of God, I know that the Holy Spirit will equip us for every thing that God has called us to do. We need not fear, because we are so dearly loved by God! If we keep our hearts on Him and if we seek His face, we will not fail, because He loves us!

This new year, I want to live a life above my fears. I want to take responsibility with honor and with confidence! In my prayer time today, I asked the Lord to equip me with His grace to love people and to operate in compassion for others. I asked Him for confidence and faith, determination, joy, perseverance and more humility. I also asked him to replace my fears with His love, so that I may sparkle and shine more brightly for Him!

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us.

- 1 John 4:18-19

Lets live lives of love this new year! Let's live outside of fear, knowing that The love of God shines brighter than any darkness that fear can bring! I want to be fearless for my Savior, don't you? I want to break through the night and share God's love in every area, every responsibility and every relationship that I encounter!

Let God's love sparkle in you!

No more fear!

~Pearls

Argue in the name of Love

Last week, my husband and I were headed down the road towards a pretty unfriendly disagreement. I must admit that it was completely my fault. I over reacted (like usual). I spoke too soon (like usual). I failed to consider all of the facts (like usual).

In my close circle of friends, which pretty much consists of all of the members of Pearls of Hope, we have developed, for the most part, a pretty telepathic form of communication. We can read each other's emotions and do a pretty good job of interpreting the body language of another woman. We understand the meaning of a sigh, or the teary eyed look from a friend. But I have to admit, it never dawned on me that this form of communication was/is foreign to my husband, and many men for that matter.

During our argument, I was waiting for him to interpret my body language, perceive my unspoken thoughts through my tears and gestures. I was hoping for his "AHA" moment to happen, without my use of words or verbal expressions of my feelings; yet when I did not receive an indication that he understood me, I began to become frustrated and, let's just say that the scripture "slow to speak" was no longer resonating in my thoughts. Thankfully, the Lord, in His tender kindness, has a way of stepping in and calming the storms of our hearts. Because Jesus is our center, we were able to lovingly resolve the tensions and misunderstandings, before any ship wrecks occurred!

Ladies, although I am only still a newly wed, I want to empress upon you the importance of being vulnerable within your relationships. Our husbands, boyfriends, friends, families- they are not mind readers. Jesus is the only one who can peer into the crevices of our hearts; it's foolish to expect another person to preform a task that we ourselves are not capable of doing. There is nothing wrong with arguments; in fact, conflict is needed to allow a relationship to grow. Healthy conflict will result in you learning more about yourself and your loved one. It brings out our true nature, flaws, weaknesses and strengths- all of which is necessary to be exposed, if we are desiring to build an honest and open relationship with someone. But we have to be willing to expose ourselves if we expect to gain the trust and confidence of the other person, in order for them to do the same with us.

Below is an article from Relevant Magazine. I thought it might be helpful for those of you who need a little lesson on arguing in a healthy and loving manner. It's focus in on marriage, but really, the information can be applied to any relationship. I hope this will help you and encourage you in your journey with Jesus.

Remember, our Lord is a relational God. He wants us to build and grow in His grace and share His love with others.

Be honest, be kind and be blessed!

~Pearls
RELEVANT MAGAZINE: 8-things-every-healthy-marriage-has