How to Shade the SHADE

SHADE: 
using words and actions in a casual or disrespectful manner towards someone; dissing a friend; coming for someone.

Synonyms: gossip; slander

-Urban Dictionary




SHADE!!!!! We all throw it from time to time- from one end of the room to the other (either knowingly or unknowingly). It's funny, though, right? Best served over a beverage with friends, or on the phone when there is nothing better to do.

"But did she use a mirror first?"

"I guess that's clearly over!"

"Let me sip my tea, while I don't help her this time!"

"No shade, but where did she get those clothes?"

Literally, I am even giggling now with thoughts of shade I've over heard or even thrown, myself!
We all know what gossip is, of course, and that is exactly what shade is! Its a gossip when done in private, and slander when done in public. It happens when we say rude, condescending and mean things about people, either out of entertainment or out of bitterness. It can happen on purpose or out of instinctive reaction and it can occur in different forms: When we tell a secret with the intensions of entertaining ourselves with someone else's business or if we spread a half-truth or a whole truth that no one really needs to know about.
It's one thing to be informative, but another thing to share information that is unnecessary, unhelpful and unkind. So, basically, our motive determines whether information crosses the line between truth and shade.

The Bible has plenty to say about the topic:

"A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much". (Proverbs 20:19) 

"Do not go about spreading slander among your people". (Leviticus 19:16) 

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1) 

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth". (Ephesians 4:29) 

Any of us who have the gift of gab or who enjoy a good laugh with friends, have found ourselves at one time or another, involved in a Shade exchange. Based off of the scriptures we just reviewed, we know this is wrong, but the Bible doesn't stop with "thou shalt not".... It also provides us with positive alternatives.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)

"Do not return evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For, the one who desires life, to love and see good days, must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from speaking deceit." (1 Peter 3: 9-10)

There are multiple consequences when we speak unkindly, but the sad part is that throwing shade has become an intricate part of our daily conversations. In fact, we are practically encouraged to act shady, be shady and find shady people whom we can be shady with! Thats one of the reasons why TV shows like The Real Housewives are so popular! We, as a culture, enjoy the loom of shade! But, in reality, it has the unfortunate disposition of ruining relationships, trust and feelings. We can swear that we mean no harm, but does harm hurt less when it's unintended? I wonder... if we were to ever walk in on a shade fest in our honor, would we truly be honored by the words we would hear? I'd like to think that the answer would be, "no".
Engaging with one another in love, in encouragement and in motivation requires cleaning up our language, weather it be cussing, gossip, lying or SHADE. This might be the hardest challenge, because words are sometimes expressed without thought. In the moment, we may not even realize how it is coming across or the damage that our words can potentially have on ourselves or others. James 3:8 tells us that no one can "tame the tongue".

"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless" (James 1:26).

Basically, what this means is that our words mirror our hearts. If we say we love God, that we care about others, that our hearts have good intentions, then this will be exposed by the words we use and say. Out of the heart, the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45). This is why, on a daily basis, we must ask the Lord to search our hearts and know our thoughts (Psalm 139:23). If we are to be people of excellence and women with standard, then the Shade has got to go. And this is done by filling our hearts with beautiful thoughts, lovely words and pure intentions.

The changing of our hearts, our words and our motives is not an automatic process. It takes intentional attempts and consistency in motivation. We must seek out opportunities to speak well and kind, and avoid opportunities to throw shade. So, this week, lets all take the challenge to tell a friend, a co-worker or a family member how much you appreciate them. Give compliments and positive messages. Send someone an encouraging note. Tell somebody you're thinking about them. Trade in the shade for something that will be uplifting and encouraging. Let people know that you are praying for them and show them how much you care! If you see an issue or a need, don't talk about them or make jokes at their expense, ask them if there is any way you could help. There are all kinds of ways to "be kind and compassionate to one another." In this way, we are building our relationships, not tearing them down!

Speak well, my loves. Speak truth, speak life and do it all to the glory of God!

~Pearls

Temptation Does not Disqualify You!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.~

Hebrews 12:1-3

What is the goal and mission of the life of a Christian?  Is it just to go to church? To read you Bible? To do good things and say kind words?
Truth be told, you don't have to be a Christian to do those things! In fact, there are many different faiths who teach on the similar and simplistic values of what we have considered to be "Christian". There are unspoken social rules that will praise your for doing what is kind and fair, and condemn you for anything less. There are even good natured Atheists who make a habit of preforming such routines in their own lives, without the help of the Holy Spirit and without the salvation of Jesus. So, when you think about it, doing good things is not the crux of the Christian's purpose. Our good deeds are not more valid than someone who is not a Christian and our temptations are not fouls that disqualify us from our faith. We have been called to live above the positives and negatives that seek to distract us from our true purpose.

Goodness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. What is good for someone doesn't mean it is good for everyone. And what was good yesterday is not guaranteed to be good today. This is how temptation enters our lives: by trying to convince us that our goodness is the standard and the measure by which God accepts me. But, according to scripture, this is far from truth. God's acceptance of me is totally based on my acceptance of Christ. When I am focused on His heart, then temptation will have no power within mine!

So, considering the scripture, how is it that we can develop our hearts to stay focused on Jesus and avoid the trap and the distraction of trying to be good? First, we must understand that focusing on Jesus doesn't mean that temptations around us will disappear. There will still be issues to face, habits to break and thoughts to battle. This is not a measure of your goodness or of your Salvation. 1 John 5:11-12 tells us that our Salvation is wrapped up in God's goodness through Jesus. If we have Salvation in Christ, then we need not fear temptation. Instead, we must use perseverance, just as Jesus persevered while He was on Earth. There were plenty of temptations, including His trial in the wilderness, when the enemy tried to tempt him (Matthew 4: 1-11). Yet in this distraction He kept His eyes on the mission- on His heavenly Father.

Hebrews 12 also brings forth another key element to staying focused: we must throw off everything that might hinder us, as well as the sins that seem to always try to get the best of us. For everyone , this will be different. Each of us struggle in different areas. My issues and temptations are different from yours. Your struggles are different from your co-workers and your co-worker's struggles will be different from their neighbors. Each of us have struggles that are uniquely specific to our own hearts and lives. Yet ALL SIN will hinder us from staying focused on Jesus and if we are not focused on Jesus, we will find ourselves drowning in temptation and ineffective for the ministry in which He has called us to complete for the Kingdom.

If goodness is the standard, then what is our need for Christ? Temptation cannot be battles by our good efforts or our positive affirmations. Jesus alone can keep us from falling, but we must keep our hearts on him! Anything that removes Christ as our priority is a hindrance to our relationship with Him, and if we are not living out our salvation in an effective manner, we are in danger of becoming a temptation for others who are watching our lives. Believers and  Non-believers are watching your life and according to this scripture, so are those Christians that have already gone before you. We are always surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses... they are cheering us on and they want us to be successful in our relationship with Christ and in our spiritual development here on earth. Even the non-believer wants to see you successful, because they are looking for something authentic. They are watching the closest because they are looking for reasons to hope and believe.

We can be "good" on our own, but there is no life change in that. Understanding that loving Jesus is not about our goodness gives us a better appreciation of God's grace, because, eventually, we will all fall in one area or another. But, when we move past a selfish faith- a faith that is only motivated by what we can get for our lives, we become humbled in the fact that we must keep our eyes, our hearts and our lives focused on Jesus. The mission is not to receive blessings, opportunities and prosperity for ourselves; our highest mission is to show the world what Love really looks like. And His name is Jesus!
Every rose has it's thorns, but that does not disqualify its beauty! We must persevere through our blessings and in our pains (and there will be many hard times), but we don't have to be afraid of our struggles or temptations, because we know that all things will work together for our good, if we only keep our focus on the Lord! (Romans 8:28). This is where our Joy comes from! Knowing that in my victory, I am encouraged, but in my weakness, God gives me His strength! Either way, we win! But, we must lay aside those things that will hinder and distract us, and
we must be sensitive to the lives that surround us- using us as their examples in the faith and looking to us as models for Christ.

Living as Christ is not a natural way of life- this is why we rely on His Holy Spirit to give us the strength and love that we need to be successful! So don't worry, God has it all under control! When you fall, confess your mess and keeping pressing on! Don't get distracted by trying to be good and don't allow your temptations to steal your confidence in Christ!!! Focus on God's love for you and let that be your motivation and your focus. I promise, it will fill your heart and spill over into the lives of those around you!
  

Be encouraged!

~Pearls

Prayer is Not Passive!

It seems to me that there is much hostility towards the response of prayer. People seem offended and at times, even disgusted, when the call for prayer is made. Yet, as believers, we know that nothing in Heaven will be fulfilled on Earth, unless we call out to God in prayer. 

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land" - 2 Chronicles 7:14

As individuals, a generation and a nation, it seems to be that we have declared war against prayer when it doesn't work for us. But we need to clearly recognize what prayer is and what it is not. Prayer, according to God and His scripture (the manufacturer of prayer) makes it clear that first, we must humble ourselves and then second turn from any wrong doing that we may be practicing. The results of doing both is a miraculous move of God.

From my own personal experiences, and I cannot speak for everyone, my Father instilled in me from my early ages that prayer was a necessity. He would volunteer me to pray in our home, as well as in church. My father surrounded our family with prayer in every opportunity imaginable- weather it be over our homework, over our travels, over our social issues in school, our food, our family... you name it, my Father would lead us in prayer over it. With that being said, I grew up with such a comfort to pray that I don't think I ever considered the honor and privilege that prayer really holds in the life of a true believer.

I remember a sermon my Father once taught and a quote of his that I wrote down in my Bible, many, many years ago. He said, "Prayer is not a tool that we use to change God's mind, it is a gift God uses to change our hearts". That has always stuck with me. You see,  prayer is a gift that God gives us to use, continuously, because He wants us to include Him in all of our affairs. God loves us and wants to be involved in our living. Like any relationship, communication (prayer) is vital. If we expect to see God change things, move things, bring healing, bring salvation, send answers and reveal truths, we must be in prayer... and, even more so, we must make sure that we are praying effectively.
We must check our hearts, to make sure it is lined up with the word of God and that we do not have cherished sin in our lives (Ps. 66:18). We must make sure that what we pray is lined up with God's will, which is His word (John 15:7). We must come with a confidence that we believe that God is able to work His will in our lives, through our faith, prayers and lifestyle that reflect Him (Hebrews 14:16). When we pray, we must be humble, knowing that our God is mighty and sovereign over all (2 Chronicles 7:14).

And when we prayer, we must be prepared for what ever answer we recieve, because an answered prayer is not always a "yes". But we know that all things will work together for our good, according to God's plans for us, if we love Him and stay obedient (Romans 8:28). whatever our plans are...His are much better!
No plan that we could ever hope to come to pass will ever exceed God's plans for us. As children of God, it should be our natural response in every area of our lives: as women, as students, as daughters, wives, friends, sisters, professionals. Prayer should be our first response because we know that God is our first responder! Prayer, like breathing, must become an intricate part of our spiritual and natural lifestyle. Not to manipulate situations to please us, but rather to align our hearts with God to please Him!

 As Jim Cymbala put it, "prayer is the barometer by which one can gauge the spiritual maturity of another". In other words, a Christian who understands their calling, Christ's expectations and who longs to be effective for the Kingdom will invest themselves in prayer- not because they have to, but because they understand that they need to. Prayer is not passive... it is the initiation of spiritual action which is what is truly necessary if we ever hope for any change or direction in our lives, in our families or in our country.
I am not perfect, as no one is. I do not have all the answers, as no one does, but I am now understanding and appreciating prayer in an entirely new way. I am a woman who wants to be a warrior... a prayer warrior! I don't not want my life to be lived silently, but I want to shine like a beacon in the night! God has given us all what we need to shatter sin and evil that haunts this world, but to talk first and pray last is unproductive. We can prayer with confidence while talking with conviction! And this is what we must do! All of us! It is a shame how the church has grown so silent! Where is our courage and our bravery? Where are our shouts around Jericho?

Ladies, you have more power in prayer than you ever will in gossip! We have more power seeking God, then we ever will have seeking comfort. Let's not be afraid to stand up for truth! Let's not be so discouraged that we won't lift up our voices to our God who loves us! We are not here on accident! Our existence in this generation was very calculated and purposeful. Now, you and I must go and put this calling to use. We must be the one who is willing to stand in the gap for those who cannot stand on their own. We must be willing to go into battle for our nation, our unsaved family, friends and for the future. We are each privileged and purposed to do just that, now more than ever! I am a woman on a mission, and I need prayer to accomplish all the hopes and dreams that Christ has instilled in me. Will you join me? Can we do this together?

I thank God for prayer and for the power that is required to operate a sincere prayer life. My prayer for all of you is that you learn the joy of coming to the Father, not only on behalf of yourself, but for others who are relying on the strength of your prayers to get them through. Be used of God, today and each day forward. Remember, He loves you and He is waiting to be invited in our circumstances, struggles and aspirations.

Prayer is not passive. Let's take action, together!
~Pearls